Zoom Wedding Etiquette 101: Learn From the Pros
*Updated June 25th 2021
In today’s world of wedding planning, things are rapidly evolving. Brides are tossing away old wedding traditions that just don’t quite fit with their vision. Couples are opting for weddings that veer away from long standing traditions. Couples are opting for smaller and more intimate weddings that fit their budget. And we are loving every bit of the originality! With all of these changes happening, it could be tempting to toss wedding etiquette out the window as well. After all, aren’t those just outdated rules our grandparents came up with??
In our opinion, wedding etiquette definitely still has its place in the modern wedding world. Etiquette can serve as informal guidelines and structures that help both the bride and groom as well as the attendees show respect to one another and have a great time. In this post we are going to take a look at some helpful tips to help you navigate this new world of virtual weddings. We will help you make sure your Zoom wedding etiquette is in tip top shape.
The Uncharted Waters of Zoom Wedding Etiquette
Chances are, you are probably facing multiple wedding challenges currently. Maybe you had to postpone your original date due to the past year. Or maybe you are trying to plan the sequel wedding to your original date and have no idea where to begin. Maybe a virtual wedding is your first choice in all of this and you are simply wondering who to invite. We understand the struggle--this is all such new + unprecedented territory. We have gathered some etiquette expert opinions to help advise you along the way.
Having a virtual wedding with Wedfuly was a backup plan for Kelly and Joe and they ended up LOVING it.
So, Who Should I Invite To My Zoom Wedding Anyways?
The guest list can be a daunting part of wedding planning for all involved. You don’t want to leave anyone out and yet you don’t want to break the bank by inviting all of your hometown. **Enter the Zoom wedding** One of the most beautiful parts of a virtual wedding is that you can invite as many guests as you would like to be a part of your special day. You can have up to 1,000 devices logged in to the meeting at once. You won’t have to spend hours upon hours agonizing over who makes the cut and who doesn’t--invite ‘em all!
On the flip side of that coin, just because you have nearly unlimited logins does not mean you have to invite everyone. It is YOUR wedding day and therefore you might want only your nearest + dearest to join you for these sacred moments. We love this list that we saw on brides.com that can serve as a guide for who you don't need to feel obligated to invite:
MIA family members--people you haven’t spoken to in forever
Friends you have lost touch with
Work friends (organize a happy hour instead)
Wedding invites from a long time ago
Neighbors that you aren’t close with
Friends with a bad wedding track record
Kids of friends (make your wedding adults only)
Plus ones you’ve never met
Friends of parents you’ve never met
How Do I Decide Who To Invite In Person vs. Virtually?
We feel you on this one, this can be a sensitive spot. You most likely are struggling to draw the line and decide who gets an invite to the in person wedding and who will be invited virtually. You are wondering what the proper Zoom wedding etiquette is for this situation. You want ALL of your guests to feel special and included in the celebration. Perhaps the easiest way to do this is to invite only your immediate family to the in person celebration and invite the rest virtually. We have also seen couples choose 1 best man + 1 maid of honor to include in addition.
If your venue (or budget) has a bit more leeway on the amount of guests that you include, consider the following. Etiquette experts say to think about your daily life. Do you communicate with this person regularly and keep in touch on a weekly or monthly basis? If the answer to this question is yes--then they are most likely an important person in your life and should be at your in person wedding.
Additionally, understand that people may get their feelings hurt and that is ok. Ultimately, this day is about YOU and celebrating your beautiful marriage. If there was ever a day in your life to make decisions that honor you as an individual and you as a couple--this is it. Also, the current circumstances of our world have made it so people have had to shift and make massive changes. And with that comes an additional layer of grace + understanding we all need to give each other.
Should I Send Separate Invites to Both Guests Lists?
The short answer to this question is: yes. Although it will initially be a bit of more work on your end, in the long run it will end up saving you stress and confusion from guests. The first step will be to decide whether you will be sending printed or virtual invitations, such as those from Paperless Post. Then you will want to create 2 separate invitations; one for the guests that will be attending in person and one for the guests that will be in attendance virtually.
Invitations for Virtual Guests
When crafting the invitations for virtual guests, be sure to make it clear that you want them to join your Zoom wedding. Many people fear that by sending out two separate invitations the virtual guests will feel as if they are the “B list invites”. However, with a well-run virtual wedding this just isn’t the case. In our opinion, most people will understand that weddings are extremely expensive affairs. Hosting a hybrid wedding is a much more affordable option and virtual guests will be more than happy to get to share in your special day virtually. Additionally, you might be surprised at how many guests might be relieved at the financial burden it takes off of them. According to a study conducted by the Knot, guests who had to fly to a wedding spent an average of $1,440 in total to attend the wedding. (This included airfare, lodging and a gift for the couple). And while you can’t put a price tag on a special day, that is still a LOT of money. **For proper Zoom wedding etiquette on how to word an invitation like this, check this blog post out.
Invitations for In Person Guests
When creating your invites for your in person guests, these will be your more ‘traditional’ invites that have details such as when/where/what time, etc. Lastly, with everything evolving so quickly, it can be helpful to give guests an update on if there are any restrictions + safety precautions in place. (Ie: letting them know that they will need to wear a mask inside, if applicable).
How To Ensure Your Zoom Guests Feel Special
Many couples that end up deciding on a micro wedding (having both virtual and in person guests) worry that their virtual guests won’t feel as included. They want to message to their virtual guests: you matter to us as much as the people that will be standing by my side! One of the best ways to get this message across is to include your virtual guests in aspects of the virtual wedding. Have them read an important passage during the ceremony or say a toast at the end of the wedding. While there aren't a lot of rules for hybrid weddings, this is one of the biggest areas to follow proper Zoom wedding etiquette.
Additionally, the amount of emphasis that you put on the virtual wedding will be how seriously your guests take it. Communicate to your virtual guests how important the Zoom portion of your wedding is. Invite them to dress up and host watch parties with other friends/family. Then, consider including breakout rooms as a part of your virtual wedding. Breakout rooms will give you time to connect with all of your virtual guests in a smaller and more intimate setting. (Zoom wedding etiquette pro tip: try to spend a fair amount of time with your virtual wedding guests during the virtual portion of your hybrid wedding.)
A key part of Zoom wedding etiquette is to spend adequate time with your virtual guests.
Wedfuly couple, Rachel and Eric, decided to interact with their virtual guests on a large projector screen.
Zoom Wedding Etiquette 101 For Guests
Now that we’ve covered most of the basics in regards to the bride and groom, let’s touch on some Zoom wedding etiquette for guests. This blog post outlines everything in much greater detail, but for now let’s touch on some of the most important things to note.
Be mindful of invites. Be mindful of the invitations that you receive. Just because it is a virtual wedding, don’t give the Zoom link out to anybody else and be mindful of plus ones. Additionally, RSVP by the date that is given on the invitation.
Dress up + clean up. When attending a Zoom wedding, view it as a chance to change out of your yoga pants + comfy slippers. This will communicate to the couple how important their wedding is to you. In addition, the same rule of not wearing white applies, virtually! Lastly, make sure that you are joining the Zoom meeting from a well-lit and tidied space. Their wedding is going to be recorded and so the last thing you want the couple to remember is you joining from your messy bedroom.
Proper Zoom wedding etiquette for guests includes dressing up & tidying up the space you're joining from.
Additional Zoom Wedding Etiquette to Consider
Be prompt. Pay attention to information that is given to you on your wedding invite. Chances are the couple might want you to join a few minutes before the actual start time of the ceremony so that it gives everybody a chance to be settled and situated.
Consider a gift if possible. Our current world is chaotic and so the couple will understand if you are currently experiencing financial struggles. However, if you are currently in a solid financial place, you should still send a gift. The general wedding etiquette is that you have around 2 months after the wedding to still send a gift. Lastly, if you are considering giving money via Venmo or a group gift, still consider sending a handwritten card. This small gesture will go a long way.
Be mindful about sharing pictures via social media. While it is so tempting to snap a pic of the first kiss and post it to your Instagram story, be careful. Follow the couple’s lead before posting their wedding photos online. In doing so, you will be following proper Zoom wedding etiquette.
Follow Up Celebrations + Sequel Wedding Etiquette
For many couples that chose to have micro weddings, elopements or postponements of their original date, they are looking forward to having follow up celebrations in 2021. However, this is also uncharted territory with very few established etiquette guidelines surrounding it. What do you call this party? A second wedding? A sequel wedding? A vow renewal? Do you invite all of the same guests? Should they bring presents? Should you include a first dance or speeches? Fear not, we’ve got you covered.
Anniversary Reception
According to this New York Times article, many couples are hosting follow up celebrations on their one year wedding anniversaries. These parties can include elements of a traditional wedding reception if you would like, or they can be a bit more casual. If the majority of your guests got to witness your wedding ceremony virtually, consider focusing on elements of the reception. Maybe you opt for a cake cutting or a toast from your parents. Or maybe you decide to have the wedding video footage looping in the background for guests to watch. The beauty of this type of party is that there is no precedent--so you honestly can take it any direction you want! Check out this blog post for more ideas on how to include elements of your original wedding day into the anniversary reception.
Sequel Wedding
For others that might not have had the chance to include guests virtually, they are opting for a sequel wedding. This is an event where you are technically already legally married, but want to include your friends and family in the celebration. For this type of event, structure it similarly to how you might structure a regular wedding. Wear your wedding dress, walk down the aisle and share your original or updated vows!
Etiquette for Guests
The general feeling around these types of parties can be a bit more relaxed than a traditional wedding. Guests can dress a bit more casually (ie: cocktail attire) rather than formal wear. Additionally, if guests sent presents for your original wedding date, they are not expected to bring another gift to this celebration. However, one thing that remains is the timeliness of RSVPS. While this party might be a bit more informal, the hosts of the party will appreciate your timely RSVP so they can figure out food and beverage numbers.
And that’s a wrap folks! Your biggest Zoom wedding etiquette questions answered. If you still have more general wedding etiquette questions, consider visiting the Emily Post Institute. This site will be your one stop shop for anything etiquette related. As for you, fearless COVID brides and grooms, you can never overdo manners and etiquette, even when it comes to a virtual event. You can trust us on that one :)
